January 6, 2019

I lost my dad last week. It got me thinking about a sort of “milestone” in my life.

One day my name became “dad”.  It had been “daddy” for 10 years. My kids apparently had a meeting and made the executive decision …

I can only imagine it was one of my boys saying to the other “we’re too old to be calling him daddy … it’s now officially dad”. I’m sure this meeting wasn’t even as long as it took to write that line.

That small change for them had such an impact on me. They’ll never know (unless they read this one day).

This is where my recent loss comes in. I wonder if my brother and I had the same “meeting” one day 40 years ago and decided to start calling our daddy “dad”.

I wonder if it had the same impact on him as it did on me. Some things I’ll never know and this is one.

I couldn’t let this rest.  I’m calling my kids (now 12 & 10) right now …

My 12 year old answered … I asked him the questions and as suspected, I’m still in the dark. He thinks it may have been him that made the decision. Doesn’t remember if he told his brother … and wanted to get back to his video game …

Such a minor thing in their life had such impact on mine. Life’s crazy that way.

And now on to the next phase of my life … there’s no dad or daddy I can call for advice. There’s no dad or daddy to give me a hard time. There’s no dad or daddy to make a 50 year old feel like a 10 year old.

My dad will never read this. I can only hope he knows how much he meant to me and how much I’ll miss him.

I love you daddy …